As we know, talking is one of the most important things you can do with your friends. It’s also an easy way to keep in touch when you don’t see each other very much. Plus, talk is fun!
But for some people, chat feels like an impossible feat. They might be too shy or not feel confident enough in their skills to hold a conversation.
And while it may sound weird, there are ways to help them.
You could try giving them more time to prepare before meeting for a chat. Or maybe they need someone special to chat with so you could ask around if anyone knows such a person.
You are distracted
“Distracted” has become one of the biggest buzzwords in America. Everywhere you look, people complain about how busy they are due to lack of time. It seems like every person your talk to also mentions it as an important factor in their life.
It’s such a common complaint that even comedian Caroline Rhea made a joke out of it in her Netflix special The Greatest Showman 2-Legged Orangutan Parade.
In the sketch, she jokes about why there is never a quiet moment when her friend complains about being too busy.
“You’re just too occupied!” he shouts at her.
She responds with, “What? Being busy is not a bad thing! We should be busy.”
He disagrees and says, “We need to learn how to prioritize better!”.
Caroline then points out that his house is full of orangutans and that he is the parent of two little kids who ask him for things constantly. He agrees that maybe having more children would help make space for some quiet times.
The audience bursts into laughter because clearly this doesn’t apply to most people.
A lot of us feel overwhelmed by the amount of work we have. There’s always something new coming up and everything needs to get done immediately.
That’s what makes us busy.
I understand how hard it can be to find those moments where you could actually focus without getting distracted.
You are too loud
“Can you talk more softly? That’s some very important socializing information!” your friends tell you. They feel uncomfortable when they try to chat with you and you have to be louder than them so that people can hear you both!
“I hope she doesn’t think I’m being rude,” one friend says as he waves his hand in front of his mouth, trying to make himself quieter.
“It’s hard for me to focus on what she is saying because I’m all nervous about how loudly I’m talking.”
He feels like he has to scream everything just so that she can understand him. It makes him feel insecure and out of place.
You are not familiar with any of the other people there
There you are, trying to chat with someone and they don’t respond or it takes them an hour to talk because they have never heard of your little trick that only works at Disney parks.
You try chatting with them some more but nothing! They seem totally lost when it comes to what you are talking about and how you both relate to music.
It can be really frustrating as you watch all the fun things that everyone else is doing and you feel left out. It can also make you give up and go home early which would hurt their feelings and probably yours too.
So why is this happening?
Well, it’s simple — you’re just not familiar with most people there.
Most places have something called a mingling event where people get paired off into groups so that they may know each other. This way people do not need to worry about matching clothes or knowing who has a car since they will be staying local.
At these events, people are usually given a time slot to speak for themselves and then another time slot later on for questions if anyone wants to ask anything.
You are not saying anything important
It’s like being at a party with people who only talk about themselves, or how much they have done recently, or what brands of products they just found more valuable than others.
There is very little conversation that does not relate to something else –- either directly or indirectly.
Conversations tend to start with someone asking a question or making an observation. Then everyone has a chance to add onto that topic by talking about their own experiences, thoughts, or lessons learned related to the same thing.
That is why it can be so hard to hold a conversation at a party. You will get lots of conversations, but none really stick.
It is difficult to keep things flowing when you do not know what to say next. And even if you do, there may not be anyone around to hear it.
When was the last time you had a meaningful chat over lunch? Or after work? Probably never. We all become too busy to spend time together.
With the fast pace life gets these days, we often avoid having deep relationships because it takes too much effort.
You are not saying it the right way
The reason why you can’t chat with people of other races or ethnicities is because you say things like, “I have to go work now,” or “My family needs me,” or even just plain old, “Not tonight.”
When you use these reasons, white people assume that you don’t want to talk to them — that you’re avoiding them.
This only adds onto their already heavily-pushed-down sense of being excluded and segregated.
By using these excuses, you are confirming this assumption for many people – making it even harder for them to break down their own internal barriers and come outside!
It also comes across as very self-centered and egotistical – something we should be trying to eradicate in our society.
Running away from conversations doesn’t help anyone but yourself. It makes your lack of interest and empathy obvious to those around you. This could hurt people you care about.
You are not using facial expressions
This is one of the most frustrating things about chat as a user. You try to have an interesting conversation with someone, but you get stuck because you don’t know what they are saying due to them not using any facial features or body language.
You might be talking about something that really interested them, but you can’t tell since they didn’t show anything. They could be listening, but they totally blanked out too!
It makes it very hard to keep the conversation going and enjoy chat as a mode. Luckily there are ways to fix this!
This article will go into more detail on some easy fixes for this problem.
You are not using body language
When you are talking to someone, your body language changes. For example, when you put your hand over yours or across your chest, it is because you do not want them to see what you have done before. Or if you fidget with something such as putting your hands down repeatedly, it can make people feel uncomfortable.
When you talk about things that mean nothing to you, people will realize that you are not invested in the conversation. If you discuss things that you are passionate about, they will perceive you as more committed to the topic and person than you actually are.
This is why most people cannot chat in casual settings – there is no depth to the conversations. Even worse, some people seem too willing to be vocal about things that matter to them, which creates an uncomfortable environment for everyone else.
You need to learn how to balance being outspoken with having deep conversations.
You are not knowing what to say
There is an epidemic of people who feel that they need to talk more than everyone else, especially in online settings. They feel compelled to keep posting comments, messages, and conversations to show how much they know or to establish their status as someone who talks a lot.
This sort of chatty behavior is totally annoying for the rest of us! It makes it hard to concentrate on your own work or hobbies because you have to focus on getting through the other person’s rambling to find silence or insight.
It can be frustrating trying to maintain eye contact with someone while they look away every few seconds to check out their phone. (Yes, we’ve all done this at one time or another.)
In fact, there are studies showing that chatty individuals are a major factor in the loss of social connections in our society. By constantly bombarding others with words, you may be creating a sense of isolation and loneliness.
